A Walking Stick
I don’t know if you are at all like me, but I sometimes find myself getting stuck thinking about my present stressors or over-focused on the self-improvements that I am still to conquer. Getting stuck in these thoughts is the worst. I get overwhelmed somewhere between what tasks are not done, what new challenge is coming, and how I don’t feel prepared for either because I am not strong enough. Getting stuck SUCKS!!!
My son is 11yo and he was just diagnosed with ADHD last year. He was diagnosed with Inattentive Type, and even though he tries to hide it from his teachers and peers… I sometimes observe him really get stuck. He stands there thinking, and thinking, or not thinking but trying to look like he’s thinking through a problem or a thing. Honestly, it tests my patience. I know you are thinking, give the child a chance… I timed it once and witnessed him stuck for almost ten minutes trying to decide what to next. I nudge him, encourage him, prompt him, but I can’t unstick him. He has to decide it’s time to move on. It’s time to let go of the fear of consequences, let go of the fear of making a mistake, step back from near sighted vision we all have when we are so close to a thing, and look at a bigger picture.
I decided I would try something new with him recently, and you’ll have to stay tuned to find out if it works, but I started to wonder if he would feel encouraged if he remembered where he started and how far he came. If I reminded him of how much his handwriting has improved in the past year, would that remind him that he could achieve his goals and shift his focus on his spelling. If I reminded him that six months ago he struggled to do a 2 minute plank, and now he can do a 6 minute plank; would that encourage him to achieve another physical goal. If I reminded him that last year he used to sit and read at recess, and this year he has a D&D group that he meets up with; would that encourage him to expand his social circle.
Getting stuck SUCKS!!! I know, because I was reminded watching and observing my son that I spent a lifetime before meeting Susan of getting stuck. It wasn’t that long ago that I was trapped in a prison of my own making. One that had walls of depression and handcuffs of self-loathing. And recently, I find that when I’m alone in the house, or not planned or prepared that those feelings of overwhelmed and unfocused rise back up. I have flashes of memories of not leaving my house for days and weeks, and memories of routines that completely lacked joy.
In those moments, I forget the task list, and I forget the choices for what fulfilling thing I can do are… I forget how to be grateful, and I forget how to be thoughtful of my wife and kids… I get stuck. Now before you get out your judging gavel… the difference in the man before you is that I don’t stay there for more than a few minutes now. Just like I have reminders of how lost I once felt, and how paralyzed I once became… they are flashes. Because everyday, I take a very brief but important and powerful look in my rear view mirror. A look at how far I’ve become.
MY secret I use to not getting stuck is that every time I get stuck, I lean on the story of my journey like it is a walking stick. I lean on it to keep me stable, and I use it to make sure that my footing is solid, I lean on it to move the brush out of my line of sight and find the trail for my hike. I have so much gratitude for my hardships, and I have developed real pride in my accomplishments. And I use that gratitude and pride to keep me from getting stuck.
I hope that you can do the same… take a look in the rear mirror and remember where you came from… maybe you are in the hardships of your life, and when you look back in that rearview mirror you see more envious times… you can use that too… Draw from the gratitude of those more pleasant times to give you future goals, and assurances that you can achieve the existence that you want.
I’m not encouraging you to live in your past… I’ve tried that too… I’m encouraging you to use the facts of your journey like a walking stick that gets you to keep moving forward.